i snapped at my mum today. its been years since i've done that. she was trying to tell me something she'd just learnt about driver's insurance. not car insurance, or insurance for the owner - but insurance for someone driving a car which they don't own.
i suppose it makes sense. but at the time, for reasons unknown to me, all i could think of was how this was an unnecessary expense of time and money, and how i really just didn't want to be having that discussion then, and how i just wanted to get back to finishing my work. and my mum just didn't get the hint and kept pushing it until finally i got mad and barked at her.
and now i feel like i'm back in my quietly angry teenage years, holding a fierce and sudden rage within myself that i neither like nor understand. and despite all my smiles and words and good intentions, i am still just a thin husk holding a savage beast i cannot control; a predator crouching silently, waiting to burst forth and rip everyone and everthing i've ever loved to bits.
like in the days before speech and fire, when man longed for warmth and light and company, but had no means to stave off the cold, the dark and the lonely beast in his heart.
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